Why Computer Why

Why Me?

So it’s 11:15 pm on a Tuesday night, and I am in the office. I have to be back here at 9am. So why, oh why, am I sitting at my desk, near tears?
Well, friends, the evil computer from H E double hockey sticks strikes again. Tomorrow is a big day in my little world. I have a presentation to give in the afternoon, and my big promotion may just be on the line. I’ve worked hard for this. I’ve schmoozed all the right clients, put in the overtime, and sweated the details.
I painstaikingly put together a presentation sure to wow my clients and boss alike. It was a thing of beauty. Graphs, pictures, facts, figures… I even changed the font three times, to make sure that it was crisp, clear, and legible. Weeks, it took me.
And then it happened. I went to print out my presentation this afternoon, and suddenly, it was gone. There was some sort of power surge, and the entire slow computer shut itself off abruptly. It took nearly 20 minutes to power back up. And by the time it did, my presentation was nowhere to be found.
I was finally able, with the help of the entire IT department, to restore most of it. But I still lost tons of research and days worth of work. So here I am, hungry, tired, barefoot, scrambling to catch up. WHY ME?

Free Downloads… Yeah, Right

Remember the days when a friend would tell you about a cool new program or game to play online and you didn’t have to worry about trashing your computer after it downloaded?

You don’t?

That’s because those days never really existed. Ever since the internet exploded as a consumer driven marketplace it’s been riddled with online felons trying to infect us with all sort of stuff.

How do we fall victim to one scam after the other, time and again? Ah, now there’s an easy answer: we’re always looking to get something for nothing. The programmers of the evil empire are getting smarter, and they know this. So they lure us with tempting “free” downloads and “risk free” trials.

I know it’s tempting, but you must fight the urge!

The other day a friend of mine was doing some pretty simple research for an online class he’s taking.

Much to my shock, he knocked on my door at 9pm that night, near a total meltdown. Every time he started up his laptop, he explained, pornographic pictures and icons flooded his desktop.

Now I will be the first to admit I thought he was trying to cover something up. I gave him plenty of ribbing over it, too. But it turns out that my poor pal was innocent after all.

He was trying to download some research material for free from what turned out to be a malicious software site that began downloading material without him realizing it. Sadly, this type of stuff happens all the time.

Peer to peer download sites, anyplace that you’re sharing files, and download sites that offer bootleg copies of mainstream software titles are all crawling with internet “scabies.”

The authors of malicious software know who their audience is when they design viruses and malware and they exploit those who are unwilling to obtain software legally or who would rather break copyright laws than pay for it.

So beware the “harmless” download. Remember, there really is no such thing as a free lunch.

Family Ties

Seems that I’m not the only one in the family with a knack for ending up on the wrong end of a slow computer screen. My little sister seems to have inherited my knack with the keyboard as well. I’ll let her tell it in her own words:

“Not too long ago I took a little trip to my local electronics superstore in search of a new desktop for my home office. I must have been there for the better part of an hour attempting to discern between the sales guy’s pitch and what I found out through online product reviews. In the end, of course, I would up buying the latest and greatest PC on the shelf.

The new computer was everything I ever dreamed a computer could be. It was faster than lightening, came filled with all sorts of cool programs and made my desk look goooooood. Unfortunately it didn’t last, and before too long the shine had worn off and it was just like all the others, promising me happiness only to ultimately deliver disappointment. But why? Why does this always happen? Why can’t I find love like other people? Why am I so unlucky in computers? Wait… am I talking about my computer or my last relationship? Anyhow…

The reason why my computer became so slow is because I was so giddy I had a new computer that I wasn’t being careful about what I was downloading. I did a lot of downloading of free music from a few sites I won’t name here but were full of viruses and malware. I also downloaded an instant messenger program so I could collaborate with my co-workers. The idea was great, but too bad it automatically loaded this ridiculous toolbar that I cannot seem to get rid of or shut off. Totally slows my computer down to a crawl. I keep thinking I am going to walk into my office some morning and see a turtle shell instead of the CPU. The stuff gets into the heart of your system and wraps around your system files with its vicious little tentacles.”

Word to the wise, sis. The quickest way to make your new computer just as slow and clunky as your old one is to recklessly download all kinds of free stuff without checking it out first

Kid Free Zone

There are some things we, as adults, must hold sacred.

Among them: the last Rice Krispy Treat (it should belong to us, after all WE made them right?), our evening walk around the neighborhood, and the sanctity of our personal computers.

Why is it, then that little brothers are always angling for a way to sneak out of the house with my cool new laptop every chance they get?

They clearly have no idea how I feel about the whole thing. I mean this laptop is an extension of my being, an additional arm to rule the world with and the rectangular podium from which I speak to the masses!

Kids will spill and drop anything and everything on a computer given the opportunity. The last laptop I had was lent out to my sixteen year old sibling, and was returned sticky with Mountain Dew and chocolate smears. And that’s not the worst of it.

After spending nearly an hour ridding my keyboard of soda and chocolate, I powered it up… at least, I tried to.

The powering on went on and on and on. It took all of 4 minutes to get to my computers desktop. When it finally finished loading all the junk she put on, it I took a trip to Mr. Start Up. Low and behold, there were the digital fingerprints of a sixteen year old for all the world to see. Myspace, Facebook, FaceSpace, Space Race… well, you get the idea.

One look and I knew it was time for a malware scan with an antivirus chaser.

That’s why my new laptop is password protected, and within my sight at all times. If you are contemplating passing your computer into the hands of a child be forewarned: it may not come back in the same condition.

Recovering From an Epic Crash

Who hasn’t been here?

It’s 1:53 am and you are just putting the finishing touches on the big presentation (you know, the one your boss has been nagging you about for the better part of the last two weeks?) when all of the sudden…. BAM!

The dreaded blue screen of death lights up your monitor like the aurora borealis and then (even worse than the blue screen of death) the power goes out. As you sit there with your Cheeto stained fingers, mouth hanging open, practically drooling on your keyboard you begin fantasizing about life on the streets. What’s going to become of your golden retriever? Will you have to sell your lunchbox collection?

Snap out of it man! It’s all not as bad as it seems.

First, take a deep breath. Now…

Did you remember to make restoration CDs when you brought your then new computer home? I am going to guess by the way you look as if you need CPR that this is a big negative. On to plan B.

If you computer powers up but has nothing to display you are going to need to get your hands on a Windows Recovery Disk. These disks contain the windows operating system files.

Time to ask around or search the web for a good computer repair technician. You are going to need this computer tech to not only replace your corrupted and inoperable operating system, but you are going to need him to attempt to recover any files you have not backed up previously.

The most important thing to note here is the lack of a back up system. All of the drama associated with trying to breathe life back into a comatose computer could have been avoided by taking a few minutes to back up your PC.

More Ideas for Speeding You Up

Earlier tonight, I shared some ideas on dealing with a slow and freeze prone computer. If none of those ideas worked, you might want to try one of these three methods for giving your lethargic PC a kick start:

Start by checking out your computer for spyware. A lot of people run a basic antivirus, thinking that it’s an all inclusive protective device. But an antivirus isn’t a bullet proof vest—and alone, it’s not enough to keep your PC from taking a dirt nap.

Spyware is all over the internet today. As the name implies, spyware sneaks onto your hard drive and spies on you from within. There are some great spyware programs out there that will work side by side with your antivirus, so if you’re virus free but still freezing up, you might want to check one out.

Once you’ve got your spyware covered, you need to look into malware. Malware, like spyware, can seriously slow you down. And it’s beyond sneaky. Your computer could be crawling with it, and you might not even know it—until your desktop crashes and wipes your memory clean.

Finally, when all else fails, check and see how much free space you have on your hard drive.

If you have checked for viruses, malware and spyware and come up clean you might find your answer by seeing what percentage of your hard drive isn’t already packed with information. A crowded computer is a slow computer, so clear some space and make room. You might be surprised at how much faster you get once you’ve paired down.

Dealing with a Freeze

Does this seem familiar? You’re sitting at your desk and all of the sudden your computer freezes up. Nothing is working. You hit ALT+CTRL+Delete for Task Manager and even it’s stuck.

Then you get frustrated and bang on every single key on the keyboard and still…nothing. Then it gets worse: your computer grows a brain and decides to just shut itself off. Anyone who has owned or used a computer has most likely experienced the same or similar problems. Here are some garden variety potential fixes you may find useful.

Run your anti-virus program. This should be one the first things to do should your computer get a case of the stupid’s. Check to make sure your anti-virus program is updating itself. The way you can check this by visiting the manufacturers’ website and look for software updates and the current virus definition files. If you are not running an anti-virus, this would be an excellent time to make a purchase.

Get rid of unnecessary files or files you no longer use. During the lifetime of our computers we’ll add and remove programs numerous times. If you removed a program and didn’t do it via the Control Panel it’s certainly possible are extra files taking up space. Begin the process by clicking, Start> All Programs> Accessories> System Tools> Disk Cleanup.

Perform a Disk Defragment. Performing this little bit of computer maintenance may be the answer to a computer which is running sluggishly. You’ll help your computer to optimize data placement when this is completed. Start a disk defragment by clicking, Start> All Programs> Accessories> System Tools> Disk Defragmenter.

A lot of our troubles can be successfully tackled if we take a little bit of time to do some routine maintaing. You wouldn’t expect a bountiful harvest from a vegetable garden if you did nothing more than plant seeds would you?

Back that Thing Up

Generally speaking, the last thing on our minds when it comes to our computers is doing a system backup on a regular basis. But performing a system backup is important to making sure your files and programs are still around should a virus disable your hard drive.

There are several options for doing the backup. You can backup your files to another drive on your computer, the recovery partition of your hard drive, use an online backup service, use your CD burner (most newer computers have an optical drive either CD or DVD) to store your backup files on CD. There are advantages and disadvantages to each of these methods.

One negative I’ll point out right away is using a partition of your current hard drive. If you store your backed up files here and your hard drive is destroyed by a virus attack, your backed up files will be lost as well. I’ll be sure to get more in-depth on this topic in a future blog post.

Just how easy is it to start the backup process?

From your computers desktop go to: Start > All Programs > Maintenance > Backup and Restore. Once you have gotten that far you’ll see a dialog box appear asking you where you would like to save your backup files. After you select the destination for your backup files, click “Next.”
You’ll then see another dialog box asking you what you want to backup. You can opt to let Windows choose what files to backup or you can choose which files to save and how often to backup your system. Make your selection and click “Next”.

A final dialog box now appears asking you to review your backup settings. In this dialog box you can change the day and frequency you’ll have your system backed up. Once you have reviewed your settings all you have to do is click “Save settings and run backup” then sit back and relax.

Antivirus 101

You already know WHY you need a good antivirus. But do you know what to look for when buying one?

Dealing with a slow computer is a complete and total hassle. Once you get your PC sped up (or finally cave in and buy yourself a new one) you’ll want to make sure you load it up with the right kind of protection. So here are the basics when it comes to choosing an antivirus:

First and foremost forget the hype. Choosing an antivirus simple based on the number of times you’ve heard the manufacturers name is a bad idea. Computer manufacturers have marketing deals with, oddly enough, the manufacturers of anti-virus programs. They pay a lot of money to keep their name in front of every new computer owner, but that doesn’t make them the best.

Next, make sure you choose software that’s meant to stay updated with the most current (and dangerous) virus threats on the net. That means looking for the term “live updates.” Also, keep in mind that even the best antivirus program is useless if you don’t know how to run it. With that in mind, find something that’s easy for you to understand. If your software’s instruction manual reads like a lost technical manual from the space shuttle, you might want to steer clear of it and find another.

Finally, you need to decide if you want to go with single function software or one of the “combo packs” available. Your computer is threatened not only by viruses but by malware, spyware, phishing, spam and more some experts suggest software which combines these protections. My personal opinion? I have always thought if you take something and then add a bunch of stuff to it to make it “better” you’ll ultimately lose a little bit of the thunder you were looking for. But hey—this one is a personal call.

Surfer Beware: Websites that Will Slow You Down

If your friends are anything like mine, they just love to tell you where to go. “You’ve just GOT to go see the new vampire end of the world love story dramedy that just came out!” (Never mind the fact that they dragged me to the first 6 installments, and I hated every one of them)

So… why is it that they’re not full of advice when it comes to the stuff that matters? Like, say, where to go online. Or, better yet, which websites to stay away from. I mean, really… If you’ve had a bad online experience, I think it should be part of the unwritten friendship code to warn your friends about it.

This is my effort to be that friend for you. Here is my list of places to stay away from while traversing the World Wide Web.

First and foremost, there is one category of website that you should never, under any circumstances, visit unless you’re willing to risk your computer’s safety. (Not to mention your own reputation). Porn websites. It only stands to reason that the seediest of websites are the same sites planting the most seeds of internet phishing and spam. Don’t be sucked in by her curves unless you want your computer to crash.

Believe it or not social networking websites are another great place to spread what I like to call “internet scabies.” I have known quite a few people who have gotten their computers infected with spyware, malware and viruses simply by adding a new friend. The easiest way to keep this from happening is not to accept the friend request from the cute little blonde with a Russian name.

Online gaming websites can be a breeding ground for nefarious activity. These types of websites use a kind of peer to peer connection. When you are playing in an online game room with 1,673 complete and total strangers bad things are bound to happen. If you really have to play Yahtzee that bad, might I make a rather peculiar suggestion? Buy the real game and roll real dice.